If you have ever gotten to that point during masturbation or sex, that you are about to climax, and someone or something distracted you, you could not stop the climax but you could not bask in the feeling nor enjoy your climax because someone barged into your room, someone knocked at your door or your phone rang, then you have an inkling what ruined orgasm is about. That frustration that sets in, it is exactly the point of a ruined orgasm. The term itself, is broader and it is likely that you have not experienced it as often as some people, if you have always kept to vanilla sex. This is sex without kink, just simple and straight forward penetration or oral sex till you or your partner orgasms. There are several kinks in the sex world and you can only continue to discover new things as each day goes by.
While some people will do anything to get off, aiming for a blissful orgasm and bask in the euphoria of getting their release, there exists some folks that prefer to have this feeling robbed from them just as they are about to release. This is different from edging, which sole purpose is simply delayed gratification, delaying the orgasm so that you can have a big mind blowing one at the end. To edge your orgasm, once you are near ejaculation or orgasm, you stall off or ask the person giving you head to stall, in order for the feeling to dissipate, and they stay again. This can be done several times to build up the anticipation and also make the release more intense because of the built-up energy.
Ruined orgasm is not edging. Ruined orgasm is simply ruining another person’s climax, taking away the pleasure that should come from the experience, crushing their hope. It is a form of power play that in quite common in the BDSM community. As you probably have an idea, BDSM is a game of power and control usually between a dominant and a submissive. In this case, the dominant brings the submissive to the peak of sexual arousal and when they (submissive) is about to find release, the dominant refuse them the pleasure by ruining their bliss. So, yes, the submissive may actually orgasm but the euphoric feelings that is supposed to accompanying the orgasm is greatly reduced, the experience will not be more than the sperm coming out of the penis, almost like a simple act of urination and for a woman, she will simply release without feeling the whole rush that is supposed to accompany the experience. Although this act is more common with submissive being a penis owner and a female or another male. When you consider it as a form of power play, any male submissive will enjoy getting dominated and told what to do with their body, especially if the person just want to get release from the stress of their everyday life. Releasing all the control into the hands of the dominant.
Could it be possible to have ruined orgasm in varied forms?
Yes, you can. Ruined orgasm can either partial or full. A partially ruined orgasm is when the orgasm is still experienced but not fully, the euphoria was suppressed so much so that the person did not derive much pleasure from it. A fully ruined orgasm is when the orgasm was not achieved, the euphoria was not released at all.
How is ruined orgasm done? You wonder?
Ruined orgasm can be carried out in various ways that can include use of commands, sex toys or overstimulation.
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Verbal command: the dominant partner bring the submissive partner to a heightened state of arousal exactly to the point of climax, to ruin the orgasm of the submissive or bottom, the dominant or top can threaten the bottom not to release and continue speaking to them during climax, this distracting speech can make the submissive not be able to bask in the euphoria and thereby ruining the moment for them. Since orgasm cannot be controlled at this point by the submissive partner, this kind of ruined orgasm can either be full or partial. This feeling of frustration and powerlessness are exactly what the submissive seeks, power play in one of its forms
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Overstimulation: after orgasm, the body is always sensitive and most people want to be left alone so they can relax, to ruin the moment of relaxation is to continue stimulating the sex organ, in stimulating the sex organ, the euphoria from the orgasm can pass away and be replaced by a feeling of discomfort and oversensitivity. Pressing down on the glans while ejaculating can suppress the feeling by creating a numbness on the glans and thereby causing a discomfort to the sub or bottom.
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Use of chastity devices: chastity cages and other chastity devices are designed to prevent erections and even if erection was achieved, the design prevent direct stimulation of the penis, in order to create the ruined orgasm effect, the Dom can get the Sub aroused so much that they achieved a form of erection, but the chastity device will prevent a release because the organ cannot unfurl from the cage, in this captive mode, it will be hard to achieve a satisfying orgasm.
- Sex toys getting drained: this can both be planned and unplanned, you may misjudge the battery strength of the vibrator or massager and just when you need it to tip you over the edge, the battery goes out, and this leaves you halfway to orgasm and you do not have a choice than to take what you could have, that is, an orgasm without the sex toy. If you have been looking forward to getting off using the toy, the can affect your orgasm as your hope and anticipation is crushed. For some people that actually love to be tortured this way, they may intentionally use a sex toy with a low battery strength, just so they have it go off just when they are about to orgasm. This way, there is a feeling of someone else, a third party, controlling your orgasm.
You may find the idea of someone else in control of your orgasm to be quite fascinating and you would love to participate in the power play. There are some things that you must know before going knee deep into it. Either you want to perform it on another person or you want it to be done to you, these following tips are important to note:
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Consent between partners:before doing this to another person or before asking someone to help ruin your orgasm, it is important you ask for their consent, even if they are this one doing it to you, consent is important because some people may find it weird and probably see not comfortable with power play during sex. Get to know if they are comfortable with it before the sex starts, instead of springing up the question during sex, if the person is not comfortable with it, this may ruin the mood for them and even you because the air can become uncomfortable. Hence, comfortable is vital for a fulfilling sexual experience.
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Create a safe word and ensure understanding:when you are sure your partner is comfortable about the idea, the next thing is to choose a safe word, the purpose of the safe word is to let your partner or you know when you or them are no longer in for the kink. Uttering the safe word can be a signal to either pause or discontinue whatever is being done. Ensure you pick s word you or your partner would not say normally during sex, some people are prone to screams some particularly colorful words during sex, the safe word should be something you would not say during sex on a regular occasion. It could be something as simple as ‘yellow’ ‘purple rain’ or ‘unicorn’ the list is simply endless.
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Learn what triggers your partner:knowing what triggers your partner means you know what to do to stimulate and bring them to that point of arousal, you will need to be able to control all stimulation, so that once climax is near, and you bring them to that point where they cannot hold back the orgasm, you either stop all stimulation or overstimulate them or simply distract them, so that they will not be able to experience a pure orgasmic release.
- Knowledge is important:just as it is in other areas of life, knowledge is important too in power play, before going in for this link, you need to make a lot of research, go on YouTube to watch videos or read books to understand the dynamics of power between a Dom and a Sub. Some kinks might seem interesting and you would like to perform them but when you get to that point of actually doing them, you may find that you are uncomfortable. This is one of the reason you must make your research before going into it.
Why would anyone want to be deprived the pleasure of orgasm?
Most kinks are what they are because of the satisfaction they bring to those that participate in this, for example, when you wonder why someone may be interested in ruined orgasm, for a person that all day long, they had to control and direct things, situations and other people, they may find a certain pleasure in having their will taken from them, the control over their own body and it’s responses taken from them. In this, they find sexual gratification. A dominatrix which a woman dominating another person in BDSM can also be a person that enjoy having control over other people even if they cannot exercise this control in their actual day to day basis. Therefore, having control over what another person can do or not do to their body can be so satisfying to them.
Other reasons why some people will ruin their own orgasm intentionally
When the orgasm is ruined, most times, the penis remains erect and the man can be able to carry on if that was the aim. Normally after ejaculation, the penis loses it erection but when the orgasm is cut short and some certain hormones were not released fully, the penis may retain its erection. Penetration can continue. In an instant, where the penis owner is aiming for edging in order to stall off ejaculation and by mistake, he miscalculated and he ejaculates, the surprise and shock can ruin the orgasm, then preventing such person from enjoying the heady orgasmic feeling that is supposed to accompany orgasm. If he was able to retain his erection, he can continue his sex with his partner or if he was using a toy, he can as well continue.
Any danger or risk attached to Ruined Orgasm?
Unlike some of the more hard-core BDSM activities, ruined orgasm does not really pose much danger, it is a more mental torture rather than physical. The deprivation the dominating partner enact on the submissive partner is felt more in the mind and can even bring more pleasure and satisfaction than actual orgasm. Although, keeping the penis hard for long period of time can lead to discomfort and swelling because of the blood that is held there, so it is important to find a way to eventually orgasm or take some time off, so that the penis can relax and the blood can flow out. After that, you can continue again.
Conclusion
Everyone has a right to their fetish, you may not know if this is a kink you would enjoy if you have not had your orgasm ruined before. The power play, control and the gratification are all parts of the ingredients for sex for majority of people and ruining orgasms is just a step further, it is not even the whole description of BDSM. All that is important is that you know what you are doing and you only do as much as you are comfortable with. Communication is paramount, communicate as much as you can, because at the end of the day, it’s all for pleasure.
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