You may have seen some form of BDSM on TV, in movies, or even in porn movies that were originally "vanilla.". Maybe it made you curious, maybe it made you open your eyes, or maybe it made your partner open, and now you sleep with your eyes open, afraid that one night you'll wake up with a glass of water and find yourself tied to the bed. Don't worry, adventurous friend, because BDSM is all about mutual consent and negotiating boundaries.
We hear a lot of questions about BDSM. Here are some common ones:
Wait, what's the BDSM? "?
BDSM is the common name for bondage, discipline, obedience, domination, sadism and masochism. It can include role-playing in both the primary and submissive roles, restraint, feeling role-play (exploring with ice cubes or hot wax, or being gagged or blind-deprived), influence role-play (spanking or whipping, for example), and so on.
Doesn't it hurt? Why would anyone want pain?
The idea that BDSM is all about pain is wrong, although most people agree that certain things that are painful in a street fight (such as someone wiping their nails on the floor) can feel good and completely hot under the right circumstances. For many BDSM players, in situations where communication and trust are paramount, the fun is not only in the feelings, but also in the connection and intimacy between the partners. The power dynamics involved in BDSM, whether you're playing a master class, a submissive or calculus teacher, and a failed football star desperate for a grade, can be very erotic.
"Okay, so no matter how much I try to wiggle, my partner blindfolds me, covers my feet and tickles me, maybe I'll like it, but what if I really want them to stop?"
In the BDSM world, players speak a safe word to let their gaming partners know when they need to stop or slow down. Words like "stop" or "ouch" don't work well as safety words because, especially in the heat of a power contest or when discipline is tough, they look like part of the action. Therefore, it is important to choose a very specific safe word that you and your partner will easily remember. It can be as simple as "yellow" to slow down and "red" to stop, or as long as it stands out, it can be more creative.
I really like the sound of that. Oh, does that mean I'm a weird pervert?
No way! The thing to remember is that the motto of the BDSM community is "Safe, Steady and Consensus.". Sometimes, especially as portrayed in the mainstream media, the BDSM scene can seem daunting at best and downright downright at worst. This is not the case at all, because in real life, people who engage in BDSM behavior have discussed their boundaries, desires, and safe words in advance. They do not encourage or prohibit the use of drugs or alcohol in games or in games where the mind is not clear.
Remember, enjoying BDSM doesn't mean you have to give up your job at Pottery Barn and go to the dungeon. Some people are "lifestyle participants" in their relationships or routines, but many choose to eliminate only late at night or bring out hangers on the weekends, or just add a little spice and ice to their normal sex life with an eye patch. You can incorporate as much or as little BDSM into your life as you need. Everything depends on your life and that of your partner.
"Wow, thank you!"! I feel better! Should I go out and buy leather masks, whips and hangers now? ”
Enthusiasm is appreciated, but not. When beginning to explore BDSM, it is best to start slowly, not only to be on the safe side, but also for your wallet, until you have an understanding of what you like and how to use the more advanced tools. Since communication is so important in the practice of BDSM, the first thing to start is to talk to your partner. If you need some guidance, use the Yes/No/Maybe List, one of our favorite tools for getting people talking about gender, sexuality, and boundaries. Depending on your comfort level, you can try role-playing and start to get motivated.
Read books like The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book or SM 101, and watch instructional or erotic BDSM DVDs like the classic Fetish Feast, Fashionistas can help you learn new tricks. And figure out what tickles (or slaps) you the most. When it comes to sexy slaps, spanking is a great place to start exploring. Use your hands first for best control of impact and travel. Focus on fleshy parts, such as buttocks and thighs, and eventually you can try using crops or slapping things.
"Do you have any other equipment recommended for beginners?"
As far as restraint is concerned, we highly recommend using a cuff made of neoprene or leather that snaps over the wrist or ankle. You can use a chain, rope, or under-bed restraint kit to connect them together. Traditional handcuffs or silk scarves may suddenly tighten and cause pain and blood circulation disorders. We also like to guide absolute beginners to use the play belt because it is safe and versatile. Vinyl tape sticks to itself but not to your skin, so it is strong but easy to remove. You can even do a thorough mummification exercise, using it to tie your hands and feet in case of gagging or blindfolding, without having to worry about cutting the loop or dropping anything important when you take it out. Lightweight thrash machines, pinwheels or adjustable nipple clamps are perfect for exploring sensations of excitement.
The most important thing to remember (besides your safe words) is that communication and trust are key factors in making BDSM entertainment, as well as any sexual act, a reality. Can try and have fun, like having deep Genus.
