First things first, if you identify as female, there isn’t just one way to experience an orgasm. The experience varies for many women and depends on a number of variables, including whether you’re having sex with a partner, using a sex toy, or going it alone or sex with multiple persons at a time. Movie sex and mainstream porn, which favor male gratification and show little oral sex (or other non-penetrative sex) on women, are not the solution to the female orgasm issue.
Given the amount of theatrical sex widely available at our disposal, it might be difficult to avoid developing irrational expectations about what an actual orgasm feels like. Let’s dissect the science now. Anyone with a vagina can experience an orgasm most frequently by stimulating their clitoris (or clit). According to a 2017 survey, 66% of American women loved sex when their partner caressed their clitoral region, while 37% of them indicated they needed clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This is much more than the 18% of people who claimed to have experienced orgasm just from vaginal penetration.
There is only one way to have an orgasm if we solely follow stereotypes from movies, music, and books. Typically, it contains dramatic and loud explosions, squealing, screaming, and “earth-shattering” noises. And you would hear the descriptions of the experience include the fact that it is similar to fireworks. But we fail to remember that orgasms on screens, particularly little ones (pornography), are frequently performative.
The toxic notion that women and those with vulvae and vaginas must “prove” to our lovers that we came can be at the root of the pressure to perform. Play the history of “faking it” to win our lovers over. After all, it’s simple to detect an orgasm in someone who has a penis. Ejaculation is visible in them. However, those with clitoris experience a more delicate sensation that isn’t always fluid (unless they are squirters), this results in many of them experiencing the pressure to exaggerate their experiences during sex. However, this does not imply that everyone must adhere to this principle or respond in a particular manner.
What is an orgasm?
According to Heather Corinna, author of S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College and founder of the sex education website Scarleteen, the brain and central nervous system are in charge of sexual reactions like orgasm. All of your body’s nerve endings, including those in your genitalia, which are connected to your nervous system, work together to communicate with your brain during sexual pleasure.
Different women would describe orgasm in different ways, some of their expressions include the following;
Yelling with excitement. Feeling both everything and nothing at once.
Like tangles of Christmas lights inside of you that blow fuses,
The stars and explosion emojis were combined.
The nicest part about an orgasm, in my opinion, is that you are essentially forced to think only about your own pleasure. It’s ecstatic and all-consuming.
The unrestricted surrender of all control, all self-consciousness, and all other emotions, in amorous terms.
“If you asked me to describe the sensation physiologically, I’d say it’s like a really nice, strong sneeze in your vagina. The kind of sneeze that takes time to build up before it finally arrives and is just the most satisfying sneeze, making you hope you have to sneeze again.
Orgasms appear magical, but I believe that you may just consider that they are a “peak sexual experience.” To put it even more simply, orgasms are just a “natural reaction in the body,” or a byproduct of intense pleasure, according to professional sex therapist Shannon Chavez, PsyD. So instead of focusing on whether or not you’re going to have an orgasm, she advises that you should truly relish and enjoy all the other enjoyable components of sex. If your attention is on arousal, you can experiment with various sensations, practice tensing up your body, and learn how to relax it, advises the expert. Then, she continues, if you are sufficiently aroused, that might result in an orgasm.
What does orgasm feel like?
People claim that you will “just know” when you are experiencing an orgasm, just like when you fall in love or find your soul match. That’s a wonderful sentiment, and it may be the case for some people, but you never know. Orgasms can be loud and audible, quiet and subtle, or anything in between. It’s normal if you’re unsure of what you “should be feeling” during an orgasm; the experience can be perplexing.
Unfortunately, when people doubt whether they’ve experienced an orgasm, they often feel humiliated and frustrated. There’s this notion that something isn’t real if you’re doubting it, she says. Orgasms can actually feel extremely differently from person to person, and one person can “have wildly varied orgasms.” Some people might even have an orgasm their first time around. To the same point, many women, for a number of reasons, will live their entire lives without ever experiencing an orgasm. But since orgasms don’t have to be the culmination of every sexual experience, it’s still possible to have a meaningful and enjoyable sexual life without them.
Dr. Chavez explains that an orgasm is characterized by a “intense accumulation of pressure in the body, accompanied by an energetic release that results in feelings in many sections of the body,
particularly the part being stimulated.” Many individuals believe they should experience a sense of relaxation or release, but this does not always occur.
According to Dr. Chavez, there is a “rush of chemicals in the brain” after an orgasm that are “responsible for emotions of happiness and bonding.” According to her, those chemicals ought to make you feel joyful and pleasant. The word “pleasure” itself is one of the best descriptors of an orgasm. Do you feel better now than you did before?” if yes, then you most likely just experienced an orgasm. The way each person’s body reacts varies. We are all different, have different reactions, and most importantly, not everyone screams.
What happens in your body when you orgasm?
Many things, most of which are unexpected. It is an involuntary muscular contraction which is a key physiological response that will be observed. Your orgasm will usually be quite obvious if you feel like your abs, thighs, butt, or leg muscles are tightening or twitching, according to the expert. According to Dr. Chavez, some people suffer “throbbing, twitching, fluttering, and tickling” following an orgasm because they become extremely sensitive. You might also notice a change in your breathing pattern or heart rate. According to Marin, some persons also experience a reddish blush across their chest and neck. Again, everyone is unique, so you might not experience these specific things, but generally speaking, these are the signs to watch out for.
How to trigger your orgasm
Although different sexual actions stimulate different persons, the clitoris is ultimately the source of all sexual stimulation. Some individuals could additionally need the added orgasmic sensation of vaginal invasion. Typically, the clitoris will get engorged and lubricated as you approach climax. The clitoris may only appear to be a small bump on the outside, but it actually contains much more, and simply stimulating it causes an overwhelming rush of pleasure feelings. Other erogenous zones exist that are pleasurable to kiss and touch, but may not induce an orgasm. Most doctors will tell you that clitoris stimulation is what causes an actual orgasm, which does need genital stimulation.
There is nothing wrong with trying different things to see what makes you feel most sexually climactic. It could involve oral clitoris stimulation, stroking on the inner thigh, or a combination of several activities. If you’re curious, teaching yourself is the best way to learn. Give yourself an orgasm. You can definitely induce an orgasm more effectively than anyone else, and I believe that’s something that’s incredibly essential to grasp. And you can accomplish that on your own.
There are some reasons you may find it difficult to orgasm
Your capacity to orgasm may also be impacted by outside variables like stress. Our brain plays a big part in an orgasm. To have healthy sexual function, we must feel protected and at ease. The ability and capacity for climax might also be impacted by drug and alcohol use.
Everyone believes that alcohol improves sexual experience, and while a small amount may do so since it lowers inhibitions, drinking too much can definitely limit climax. You might not even notice the stimulus as much if you’re intoxicated, you feel a bit more numb. Prescription drugs may have a comparable impact. Especially the SSRIs, which are prescribed for anxiety and depression. These are the most typical medications that stop or reduce orgasm.
The orgasm process may be hampered by factors including shame, fear, and a history of sex abuse. I advise consulting a sex therapist or mental health expert if you can relate to any of those. They’ll be able to support your recovery and help you live a fuller life while also enabling you to orgasm. Visits to an obstetrician/gynecologist or healthcare practitioner can prove rewarding and shed more light on your health status, because several disorders, such as endometriosis, vaginismus, pelvic floor tension, and vulvodynia, as well as infections, can make sex painful, and when sex is painful, orgasm might remain out of reach.
Conclusion
Every woman has different bodily reactions and each person has the way their orgasm appears. It is not a case of a cap size that fits all, know your own body, and keep an open mind free of judgement and anxiety, for it is in doing so that you are able to experience maximum pleasure as much as possible.